the end? life?

chinese have a saying "1000 years a tree, 100 years a person" 100 years u can live, do we need that long? or do u want it to be so long? or so short? if u want it to be longer, good for u… because i’m very sure that ur enjoying ur life… but for me, no matter if it’s short or long, i just wanna live happily, rich or poor, lonely or not, it doesn’t matter, it’s the feel thats important, i can have no money, i can have no one, as long as i’m happy… the point is,  how can i feel happy without all those things? yes!!! thats my question, the answer is, if i could control my the way i feel about things, sometimes i can, sometimes i can’t… like i once said, if there’s no happiness there won’t be sadness, they live for each other… but once we tried sadness, we tend to remember it better which is an action that no one will choose… life is short, but if u r not living it the way u want it to be, every second u live is a drop of poison inject into ur blood… when our body can’t take the poison anymore, we die, either in a good way or bad… done by human or nature……

is ur life short? or long?

movie… wat a title…

have u ever watch a movie that affect ur life?

have u ever watch a movie n cried about it?

have u ever watch a movie n it reminds u about ur past?

have u ever… i had watch movies that makes me tears, that reminds me about some sad memories that i don’t wanna remember, i have watch movies that makes me tears, i have… i have…

movies is about telling someone’s story, it’s story telling, it’s about going into someone’s life, it’s about learning, ya learning, some people learn from movies, we learn about politics, we learn about family, we learn about friends, love, work, death, life, and all sorts of things…

watching a movie is like experiencing someone’s life, or maybe watching someone’s life, and wanting to get something out of it…

oh guys pls forgive me if i make some spelling mistake or gramma mistake, as usual i’m high while writing this… so sorry for that…

back to the topic… i just watch a movie lately documentry actually, it’s called "tarnation" 1 movie fucked me up the whole day, i wonder how can a movie fuck me up so badly, n i start thinking, why did i get so fucked up by the doco, i finally figure out that i put myself into that situation, i sort of ask me sub-conciously, what if i was that guy i c on screen… his mom have a brain damage, she doesn’t know what she doing, doing crazy stuff, in a simple word retarded, n the sad thing is it’s a doco not a movie, that means it happened, imagine ur mom, suddently become a retard/stranger, the one that u have spend almost ur whole life with, turn into a stranger in 1 day…… my mom have cancer, she… she almost died years ago, her situation is like if it goes bad she might die in months, or even weeks… i’m thinking wat can i do about it, i’m not in malaysia with her, i seriously want to, just because i have to study i can’t be there with her n for her….

lately she went for a blood test, the result wasn’t too good, she need to rest, but the commitment she have in the family business is too heavy that she can’t just drop out, seriously from my point of view, fuck it… fuck the money!!!! fuck all the work… i rather live poor n have a happy life with my family then have lots of money, n regreting about my life…… ok i’m getting a little emo now, oops, the title is movie, so i should talk about movies n not my own problem…. sorry for that…. ^^

ya, so movies… wat r movies for actually, wat does a movie mean for u, is it just entertaiment? to control ur feelings? as in when u wanna laugh u’ll watch a comedy when u wanna be sad u’ll go watch a tragety? if that’s true, isn’t movies like a feeling shop? u can buy feelings… but that’s kind of sad when u can buy feelings right, wat is feelings when u can buy them… have u ever thought about it? someting that u can buy anytime actually means nothig or in another word it is worthless, what is feeling when it’s not from ur heart… c my idea is, anything that can be bought by money means nothing, because c, money is just a value, yes we need it to survive, but if u can see upon the surviving idea, money mean a value, how much does an object worth, how much does anything on earth worth, but c, money can’t buy feelings, the lamest example,money can’t buy love rite… most people would agree with this i think… n back to my point of shopping feelings… film director usually want u to feel how the lead feels, they do anything n everything just make u feel every moment how the lead is feeling, true? i say yes, n if u agree with that u’ll watch movies differently, because watching movies is shopping, u buy it, u r buying a feel, n in malaysia how much does a feel cost? RM10??? i mean wat the fuck,about 3 ausie? is feelings really that cheap? if it is so, feeling is something really worthless… ok put it this way for someone from england who come to malaysia to buy a feeling, it’s less then 2pound???? like hello, in aus, one hour of parking worth more then 2 hours of feelings…? seriously WTF!!!!! ok i’m gonna stop here for people who read this, i hope that this blog make u think a little bit about movies n feelings… n how much a feel really worth for u…….

cheers, n enjoy life.

the end Gan

hey people who read my blog, guess wat, i met someone today, he’s appearently the oldest HIV carrier in aus… a friend of mine ask a favour from me to help him to be his cameraman for his interview which is how i met this guy… he’s a really cool guy, have aids, n he’s 59 yrs old this yr, so aids might not kill that soon huh… so that means i can still fuck alot… lol… that not my point this time, i’m out of my sex topic, something new after all huh… ^^ just a small little thing that he remind me of, he’s that old n he have aids, he said this "i should have been dead mid 20" n he’s still standing like a normal man helping uni student out doing their project… cool ei… now what he really reminded me of was hey, death, something that use to bother me, and i’ve already solve long time ago… what i’m trying to say is, i use to see through death n able to thorw it behind me n ignore, basically mean can die any second… but now that i think of it again… hmmm… guess wat, i’m scare… wat if i die later? next morning while i’m walking to uni? get electric shocked when i off my room light? or anytime anywhere… what’s there to worry about since i’ve already solved it? it’s because i’m diff now, i use to have nothing n want nothing, but now that i have so many friends that care about me, family that i can would miss my laughter, company that i cannot give up, movies that i wanna make, n people that i love… i sort of can’t leave them n die liddat rite…. not saying that i’m gonna kill myself, i’m just thinking about d reason y u wasn’t affraid of death but now i am?

it’s because i have more n i want more, true that people say when u have more, u’ll want more, therefore u’ll never have enough… for me really not money, just enough to support my family n people that i wanna help that’s enough, friends… not too many either, there’s a chinese saying "in ur life time if u ever meet a best friend that will never betray u n understand u u can die without regret" hey i have more then 1 of that… family? haha… it’s broken apart but hey for those who know me, we r closer when we r apart rite…? ^^ wat else? lover? HAHAHA…. the whole world should know the girl i really love n almost turn me gay… i’m straight now… (just wanna make things clear) i’ve loved even it didn’t turn out well, n it still hurt, but atleast i’ve got some1 that i love whom loves me in return… my life is pretty much complete… wat else did i left out… hmm… guys believe me or not i wrote this with tears hanging in my eyes….

i’m seriourly thinking, if i have 1 more day to live, who will i wanna see… hmmm… wat i wanna to wif them or him/her… the answer is… no one, because if i see anyone he/she will feel happy, and the others will be jealous, lol… n hey if i don’t see anyone, everyone will miss me for the rest of their life, n remember me for the rest of their life, n they’ll feel sad that i’m not here anymore… haha… i’m selfish but hey, if u who ever that’s reading this don’t cry in my funeral, i’ll come haunt u lor… lol… muahaha… ^^ so make my funeral full of tears, the more tear fall from ur eyes that mean the more u’ll miss me rite… hehe… so be a part of the WET funeral… haha…. OMG can’t believe i’m saying this, Kenny wat’s new from u… it’s all about S_x lol… well it’s me after all….

oh anyway guys seriously if i really die, for get about me, n go on with ur dreams, don’t even u dare allowing my death helding u back towards ur dream for a second, if not i’ll haunt u down… ^^ K!!!!! or choice 2: remember me n take my death as a motive to push u to ur dream, because that’s wat i wanna see… u guys to be happy… ^^ really……

anyway i love u guys, n enjoy life….

Cheers!!!! let go drink some god water(ALC/spirit/hard liquor/wat ever it is that makes u high…. not drugs guys) hehe…. ciao… n no worries i won’t die so soon, no worries about the white gold muahaha…. ^^

sex…… ppl who really know me would understand y i put the word sex as the title… but what the hell is sex really about? sex is… hmmm… you put ur dick into a women’s virgina and humping ur hip with her’s and cum and that’s it. honestly, i’ve have lots of sex, but the question is do i really liked it, ppl might think that i’m a fucking bustard, but seriously, i’ve experienced crying right after i had sex. see, the problem here is part of me enjoy having sex, but part of me feel extremely guilty for sleeping with girls that i dun love, sex really means nothing to me now, it’s just an activity that i’ll not reject, of course not when i’m freaking drunk, but sex…. what is sex really about? combining two souls or like nokia? "connecting PEOPLE" lol… yes sex is like nokia, and it’s also like coke "ask for more" sex is something never enough, well atleast for most guys this saying work.

thinking about it, sex is something you can buy, no offense to girls, but those easy girls always go for rich guys, so does that mean if u r rich u can get chicks easily? Well see, easy girls go for rich guys, and rich guys r everywhere, and that resulting rich can get fuck easily… this theory seems wrong, but tell me if thats not true, of course not to all girls, i’m saying easy girls, well i guess they really enjoy sex alot, n they like to try new stuff, i really wonder if they get paid after sex. if they do… won’t they be KIND OF like prostitute? hmmm…. getting paid after sex… think about it…

now check the title again, it’s sex…. :-(… a sad face, i think the new generation is going a little too easy on sex, hmm… too open, or what ever that word is, i think it’s just wrong.

honestly i have not been enjoying sex for quite some time, i don’t really love them, we fuck for the sick of fucking, it’s… it’s just not right…. you might say "y not make love with a girl that you really love" HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! i’de love to, but you know wat? i kind of can’t fall in love, there’s no girl that can really take my heart away… or is it that my heart is no more longer here? therefore no 1 can take it away, of course, if my heart is not with who the hell can take it from me? haha… imagine a life without love, i seriously want a girl that can make me fall for her, but seems like she have not come into my life yet.

poor kenny can’t fall in love anymore, haha…  it’s really not about the girl, maybe it’s me, that is restricting myself not falling in love (sub-conciously) but what the hell, fuck it man, just fuck around till i’m bored of it, and then wait for my soul mate, and i’ll live happily ever after, lol!!!!!! this sounds like a farry tall.

"Kenny G…… go fuck urself" lol….

i’m thinking, thinking that what is love about…. i mean love for lovers and friendship…. i’m thinking, things u heard from ur love or ur friend might be a lie, what would i be, if ur best friend lied to u and resulting u lossing something u really precious? the same goes to ur love ones, what if the person u love the most lie to u, because he/she wants u to think that he/she is pure as angle, and actually he/she slept with someone while going out with you?

one night i’m thinking, if a lie could cause serious damage on a relationship they are people u really care about, they betrayed you, for example: ur gf/bf slept with ur best friend while u guys are officially still together.

hmmm….. if that really happen to me, should i be angry to my love one, or my best friend? or what if, i love my gf and also my best friend (by), what the hell should i do man. well see, i love my best friend (guy), as in love love, and also my gf, and they both slept with each other, and lied to me. i would probably go crazy and killing every human i see….

lol….. but well it’s just a taught, maybe i can make this into a movie….. lol…..